Exerpt from Newsletter :

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THE ANXIETY COACH (sm)
Helping People Thrive in an Anxious World
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Volume I, Issue VII

Social Anxiety by  Evelyn Goodman, Psy.D.
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Social anxiety has its roots in our very nature as social
beings. Humans have the unique capability of
self-consciousness, an awareness of ourselves in contrast
to others. Many people are greatly concerned about how they
appear to other people. A national poll taken in the late
1980's concluded that more people feared public speaking
than they feared death.  The common concern, or fear,
regarding how we stand in relation to others may in part
explain why social anxiety is so prevalent.
 
People with social anxiety/phobia disorder suffer greatly
with disabling fear, and demoralization, on a regular basis.
Fears of being judged as anxious, imperfect, or somehow not
up to par with others, lead to fears of embarrassment,
humiliation, or shame.  Avoidance of those possibilities
creates a life that is limited by fear, anxiety, and often
depression.
 
Having treated socially anxious and phobic people for over
20 years, I have learned that there are certain beliefs that
socially anxious people hold that are not helpful, and
create part of the problem.  An important part of overcoming
social anxiety disorder is identifying the underlying,
sometimes hidden, beliefs, ideas, or attitudes that make life
difficult. I will present a few of these in the following
examples.
 
                "Anxiety is a weakness."

"Don't let them see you sweat," the commercial says.
Everyone likes to look cool, calm, and collected. However,
people with social anxiety believe that if people see their
anxiety, no one will like or respect them; they will be
judged as defective human beings, worthy of rejection.  The
reality is that everyone experiences high anxiety at times,
and people tend to be understanding and supportive when
they see someone else anxious.   Fear and anxiety is a part
of the human experience - everyone can relate to it!
 
               "Perfection is possible."

The socially anxious person tends to have high standards of
what it means to be human. He may be terrified of making
mistakes, either in behavior, speech, or appearance,
because he expects people to be disapproving or rejecting.
Yet this same person doesn't demand perfection of others.
The irony here is that the real mistake the socially
anxious person makes is that in fearing he may not appear
as perfect, he sets himself up to be anxious, which makes
him more vulnerable to mistakes! It's a vicious cycle.
Instead of perfection, I recommend that people consider
being just "good enough" because that usually is good
enough.
 
        "People are critical and judgmental."

The socially anxious person believes that other people,
usually those she doesn't know well, will be critical and
judgmental of her. When I ask my clients about how many
people have actually been critical and rejecting of them in
their lifetime, the answer is usually one or two, sometimes
three, people that they can remember.  Very often these were
family members or other important people in their lives.
This experience led to the overgeneralization that all
people are critical and rejecting in nature. It's often
helpful to do a reality check here. Test it out: be less
than perfect and see what happens.
 
      "Feeling embarrassment is intolerable."

One of the core themes of the socially anxious is the
avoidance of feeling embarrassment, humiliation, or shame.
Granted, no one I know wants to have to experience any of
these feelings. They are such uncomfortable feelings that
many societies use embarrassment and shame to control
people's behavior. This is the predominant way parents
socialize their children, shaming them into conforming to
rules. Socially anxious people believe embarrassment is an
emotion they cannot tolerate, very much the way a person
with panic disorder believes he cannot tolerate high
anxiety states.  A more likely reality is that the feeling
of embarrassment is very short-lived; it is the memory of
having felt embarrassed that lingers on.  Recovery from
social anxiety requires an acceptance and tolerance of
occasional feelings of embarrassment. Like any other
emotion, it is an inevitable part of being human and being
alive.
 
You may have noticed by now that these beliefs are
overlapping. People tend to be fearful of making mistakes
and being seen as less than perfect if they believe others
are critical and rejecting. Accepting oneself with anxiety
makes one less likely to be so anxious, and less prone to
feelings of embarrassment about being seen as anxious.
Letting go, or changing, any one of these beliefs will
loosen the grip of social anxiety on your life.
    
 

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THE ANXIETY COACH (sm)
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The Anxiety Coach (sm) is a publication of the Anxiety
Treatment Center, Ltd.  The Center is a small group of
clinical psychologists and social workers who specialize
in the treatment of anxiety problems.  The Center has
several offices in the Chicago area.

Counseling and Psychotherapy
310-391-3853
Please call  or email with inquiries